As usual, my day starts with reading emails, messages or some random social media updates. Basically, get a glance at what has happened while I was sleep. But, I don’t spend hours. just quickly 15 mins max. Today one call made my day. CIBC & other news has been floating about fake service revenue agency calls and scams. I used to think about how it works and how does it feel when you receive such a call? I kind of wish to have such a conversation.
So, my dream comes true today (Dec 13, 2019). I received a call and asked me to press ‘1’. I did that and the call was forwarded to the Service Canada officer (Mr. Tom brown). It is a pretty name and a strange name for a Chinese person. That is the first suspicion. Before we begin the fun conversation, let me share the conversation format.
Format of the scam conversation.
- Introduction from fake officer and details about his profile & other information like Officer batch Id. Just to gain some trust from the victim.
- Extract some victim person details just to show that we are validating & following some sort of security policy. Ask a few questions like Social Security number etc.
- Details about crime committed by Victim and punishment if victim do not follow the scammer.
- Validation of crime through your another officers just to be genuine in the conversation.
- Begin settlement with the victim and asked for the fine to avoid urgent arrest, jail and any other forms of punishment.
So now let’s see how whole conversation unfolded. Tim Brown is a fake Service Canada officer and Chinese national with very poor English.
Me: Hello, I received a call from this number. May I know whom am I speaking to?
Tim Brown: Yes this is service canada investigative officer. My name is Tim brown and we have been investigating about your crimes & cases.
Me: What cases?
Tom Brown: There are some crimes committed by you here in canada as well as in Abroad. Are you aware of your crimes? Also, there is arrest warrant issued on your name?
Me: (I got to know that this is a dream call let’s play along)
No. What are the crimes? How do you know other countries crimes committed by me?
Tom Brown: We have authority to get crime information committed in other countries. Do you want me to open your file?
Me: Yes Please.
Tom Brown: Can i have your first name & last time?
Me: You are investigating me and you don’t know my name?
Tom Brown: I know but it is just to confirm and it is security policy.
Me: Jitendra Tomar
Tom Brown: Spell you name.
Me: Okay.. J stand for etc etc.
Tom Brown: Give me a moment just opening your file.
Me: Sure. (Thinking this is fun game.)
Tom Brown: I have your file open. Do not disconnect the call. This call is being monitored and if you disconnect the call or do not incorporate
with Service Canada, you will have immediate arrest and $20k fine. I know you are a good person and hard working but you need to listen to me carefully and follow me.
Me: Sure. I understand. (Little bit scary and thinking is it real? Did I commit by mistake commit any crime?). Mr Tom looks so genuine now.
Tom Brown: Can i have your physical address?
Me: Why? You have opened the files and now tell me the crime which i have committed.
Tom Brown: These are security policy i have to do. You have to incorporate it otherwise i have to forward this call to RCMP (Police).
Me: Okay. My address is bla bla bla bla. Postal code is bla bla.
Tom Brown: Thank you give me a minute and do not disconnect the call.
Tom Brown: Can i have social security number?
Me: Why? How is it related to crime and your investigation. You have address and name. Now tell me my crime. How come, I have committed a crime and didn’t get any notification.
Tom Brown: That’s right Mr Tomar. But we are investigating it now. You are not incorporating with me. I am here to help you. You have to tell me SSN last 4 digit.
Me: okay. 7729 (Just fake it. This is where i started enjoying conversation. My wife isn’t happy though)
Tom Brown: Thank you. Now i can see all the details of your crimes. You have committed money laundering, you have 23 Banks accounts and you are involve in drug dealing as well. You will be getting 30 yrs of jail time and $1.5 million as penalty. Your license, medical will be cancelled. You are from India and won’t be able to fly back to India. Do you know these crimes?
Me: No (I m thinking How stupid Mr Tom is? He is asking criminal about his investigation and confirming also.)
Tom Brown: Do you know you have 23 banks accounts?
Me: No. You investigating it you tell me.
Tom Brown: In my file, it shows 23 banks account. How many bank accounts you have?
Me: (Before answering question. I got to know where he is going?). 3 Banks accounts.
Tom Brown: Hello Hello. Do not disconnect the phone. Tell me the bank names?
Me: BMP, RBC & Scotia (Just faking these names. I have no accounts in these banks. Mr Tom is trying to collect personal information about victim)
Tom Brown: Tell me the balance in each accounts?
Me: Just put random fake numbers ($1300, $2200 and $5000 in saving). I got to know he is trying to understand how much person can pay?
Tom Brown: Okay. Now You have two option. Either do the settlement or fight it in the court. Do you want to do settlement over the phone?
Me: I do not want to got court and fight for it. Can we do the settlement here? (I do realize that we are at the peak of fun).
Tom Brown: Okay. Good. Goto your browser and search RCMP with your postal code.
Me: What the hell he is trying to do now? Search RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) with postal code
Tom Brown: Give me the RCMP Contact number near to your postal address. I want to speak to him.
Me: Gave him a phone number from google search (Oh i got it. He is trying to do settlement with some more facts. Joyful experience that i got so far with him).
Tom Brown: Number is from Ottawa Ontario?
Me: Yes. But i know i have given him Markham Ontario address and Phone number from Ottawa. He is stupid buying all my lies.
Tom Brown: I am going to speak to Police officer near your postal address and take their opinion about your files.
Me: Okay. Tom Brown started speaking loudly with other person while being in the call with me. Just to make sure i can hear him.
Tom Brown: Okay. I spoke to Mr Hitchman and he is okay to settle with you. He is going to call you. Do not disconnect my call. I want to hear him too.
Me: Okay. I can’t pick two calls. My phone hangs. it is old phone.
Tom Brown: You have to pick and do not disconnect my call. Can you hear me?
Me: Give me a min please. I am talking about my son Teacher.
Tom Brown: Ok. Do not disconnect the call. We are recording this call.
Me: I started receiving call from the Real police number found in the google search. I thought that is interesting. They are able to spoof real number with fake one.
Me: I could not pick up another call while being in one call.
Tom Brown: Why are you not picking Mr Hitchman call.
Me: I am unable to pick both calls at the same time. Phone disconnected.
I wish to continue this call and see desperation, begging from him for the Money. All I can say it was very funny and joyful conversation. I enjoyed it and hope you find it funny too.
After disconnecting the call, I received so many calls. They think I am going to pay them and potential candidate for their misdeeds.